My girlfriend says I'm cheap, so I took her out for tea and biscuits. It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before.
Non-alcoholic beer is like watching porn on the radio
My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says "Do Not Resuscitate."
It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People On Line. It still hasn't arrived yet.
When someone recommends a book to me and says, "It's a page turner!" I say, "Yeah, I know how books work."
If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.
Vitamins are good for what ails you and Viagra is good for what fails you.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
I think racism is bad and you should treat all races the same whether Brown, Black, Asian, Latino or normal.
Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.
If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
Non-alcoholic beer is like watching porn on the radio
My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says "Do Not Resuscitate."
It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People On Line. It still hasn't arrived yet.
When someone recommends a book to me and says, "It's a page turner!" I say, "Yeah, I know how books work."
If you have a red wine stain on your carpet, get some white wine and drink it until you don't care anymore.
Vitamins are good for what ails you and Viagra is good for what fails you.
One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.
If your outgo exceeds your income, then your upkeep will be your downfall.
I think racism is bad and you should treat all races the same whether Brown, Black, Asian, Latino or normal.
Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.
If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.
My wife and I decided to never go to bed angry. We've been awake since Tuesday. .
My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?"
My wife said: "That's the 4th time you've gone back for dessert! Doesn't it embarrass you?"
I said: "No, I keep telling them it's for you."
When I was in primary school we learned about a shape called a rhombus and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape.
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.
I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
I met my wife at a single's night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.
When I was in primary school we learned about a shape called a rhombus and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape.
My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favourite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.
Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.
I now know how it will all end for me, one of my kids will unplug my life support to charge their phone.
At a wedding reception, someone yelled: "All married people, please stand next to the one person that has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
I met my wife at a single's night. I was surprised because I thought she was home with the kids.
I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.
Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.
