Stories

 The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.” – Al McGuire 

 

 “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.” – Albert Einstein  

 

 “War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.” – Ambrose Bierce  

 

 “It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.” – Andy Borowitz  

 

 “At every party there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.” – Ann Landers  

 

 “Have you noticed that all the people in favour of birth control are already born?” – Benny Hill  

 

 “The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” – Bill Watterson  

 

 “My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine.” – Caroline Rhea  

 

 “All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.” – Casey Stengel  

 

 “Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.” – Dave  

 

 “How many people here have telekinetic powers? Raise my hand.” – Emo Philips  

 

 “If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.” – George Burns  

 

 “Too many birthdays is a major cause of death” - Yogi Berra

What do you do or say, when an innocent child asks you something so innocent and they are so serious? Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!! JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister... After a while he asked: 'Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?'  STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. 'I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window.'  BRITTANY (age 4) had an ear ache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: 'How does it know it's me?' SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. 'Please don't give me this juice again,' she said, 'It makes my teeth cough.' DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: 'How much do I cost?' CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, 'I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in it?' MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: 'Why is he whispering in her mouth?'  TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, 'Why doesn't your skin fit your face?' JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: 'The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.' Concerned, James asked: 'What happened to the flea?' The Sermon I think this Mum will never forget.... This particular Sunday sermon... 'Dear Lord,' the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. 'Without you, we are but dust....' He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, 'Mom, what is butt dust?'

The time of the year has come again where I seek your support for the ROMAC Trivia Challenge to be held on Thursday 7^th of March 2019 at Unity College. Please place this date in your Diary/ I phone. We ask that all members try and obtain a table of 8 and Stephen Thompson (Event Coordinator) with the assistance of Dave Handy will be following up members to appoint a team captain and  obtain numbers coming.

As you are aware, last year was great result for ROMAC with over 350 people attending on the night. ROMAC would be extremely appreciative and pleased if you can support this event and increase our numbers attending. This is a fantastic fund raising event and a major fund raiser for much needed funds for ROMAC to enable them to continue the lifesaving and /or dignity restoring surgery for children , mainly from the Oceania Region that cannot access this surgery in their own country. 

Many thanks for your past support. 

Yours in Rotary Service

Bryan Mason OAM

ROMAC Northern Region Committee

Adam Benjamin. Director of Medifarm here on the coast is coming to speak at our Rotary Club on November 8, 2018.

The farm is about to cultivate enough plants to produce Cannabis Oil for 5000  patients in need of this oil that has so many special qualities to relieve suffering.

Please could this article go into Cal Pac Capers or on our Club Runner to encourage partners and friends to come along to hear Adam speak. This is an innovative agribusiness for the coast and indeed has a strong social conscious component to the story about how it came to be established.

A reminder for those interested in attending the CleftConnect Grand Trivia Night at 6pm on Saturday 13 October at Unity College.  At this stage we have almost enough people for two tables of eight team members so please feel free to invite a friend(s).

To register for the event you will need to log on to the CleftConnect Australia website.  Here is the link http://cleftconnect.org.au/2018-trivia-night-bookings/ .  Our team name will be 'Rotary Caloundra Pacific' and we can sort out seating arrangements on the night.  The cost is $35.00 each which you can pay by credit card when you register plus you will need to choose a meal out of a selection of three options.

Meeting notes 4^th October 2018

STRONGER TOGETHER

ShelterBox are project partners with Rotary International to create positive, lasting change in communities at home and all over the world.

By working together, we are able to collaborate and combine resources to ensure that we can support more communities in desperate need of shelter.

Rotarians and Rotary groups across the world support ShelterBox in a variety of ways, from raising funds to providing support on the ground during our response to a disaster. This enables us to cross boundaries and cut through red tape to reach even the most remote communities.  

They are our Clubs flying Rotarian who are flying across America, what fun.

Ross said he had planned to fly under the "Golden Gate Bridge" but he has to find it first.

(Ross said It's illegal but with this fog no one will see him so they will never know)                           

Will he wait for the fog to lift to achieve his bucket mission or will he land short and end up on Alcatraz?

What type of flying machine is Ross likely to use on his epic adventure a Biplane or Helicopter?

 This is a clear day above the clouds in San Francisco

I just read that Boeing predicts need for 600,000 pilots with projections that airlines worldwide will need some 635,000 new pilots in the next 20 years.  The company's 2018 Pilot and Technician Outlook also predicts airlines will need some 622,000 more aircraft technicians by 2037. 

Our guest speaker, Captain Joe Biffen, an airline captain flying for a Chinese carrier, will be talking about aviation and his career.  It promises to be a very interesting evening.

Mission Statement

ROMAC provides surgical treatment for children in Australia and New Zealand from developing countries from our Pacific region in the form of life giving and/or dignity restoring surgery not accessible to them in their home country.

Objectives

• Provide hope and restore dignity to transform a child’s life
• Provide the best possible surgical and medical expertise
• Engage Rotary and the community at all levels to fund and support the ROMAC cause
• To maintain and improve the quality of the management process and ensure high quality governance of the ROMAC program

Patient Snapshot

Disaster Aid International - rebuilding communities....together

Disaster Aid International coordinates the work of its Country Partners to:

1. Respond to disasters with the supply of humanitarian aid to the affected communities and/or individuals until the needs determined by Disaster Aid International are reasonably addressed.
2. Operate an Overseas Aid Fund, to be known as the Disaster Aid International Overseas Aid Fund, in order to provide relief and aid to those who are displaced by natural or other disasters;
3. Train volunteers in administering humanitarian relief and aid;
4. Provide education and training in aspects of disaster relief to individuals, community groups, businesses, schools and other organisations; and
5. Work in partnership on humanitarian projects funded by other organisations, including Rotary clubs and Rotary districts.

President Peter welcomed Rotarians and guests and gave a report from the Board meeting.

He promoted our Clubs commitment to the Caloundra Greeters program scheduled to commence on May 3, 2018, encouraging all members to play a part in this golden opportunity to provide a community service, welcoming people to Downtown Caloundra and creating a vibrancy in the area with business owners , locals and visitors alike and to profile Rotary in the main street of Caloundra, 2 days a week. Terese Finegan , Economic Development and Major Projects Manager, Downtown Caloundra was welcomed as our guest speaker.

RI Toast:

Kevin Curd gave an interesting summary of the extraordinary fund raising and community service activities of the 500 strong membership of the Rotary Club of San Diego, California.

AGM:

The AGM was conducted meeting our Constitutional obligations and with appropriate attention to the Clubs Financial report presented by Mike Healy( acting for Brian Reith as Treasurer). Moved by Mike Healy . Seconded by Don Wilkie. All in favour. The club is in a healthy financial position.

Sip Save Shop fundraising event:

Suzanne Lee - Archer and her helpers ( from Inner Wheel and Rotary) were congratulated for the very pleasant and successful ($1400) fund raising event in aid of the Hamlin Fistula Foundation. The event was held at the Aspinalls delightful home and was much appreciated. Our Rotary Club was thanked by Greig Lee-Archer on behalf of Suzanne for our contributions in many ways.

Induction:

Will Waterford - Past President was re- inducted to our Club. Welcome back Will and Donna. You and your family have been an integral part of our Club and we look forward to continuing friendship and working for our community with you.

RYDA:

The 10 year celebration of RYDA is on Friday March 23, 2018 at the golf club with Dr Bridie Parker- an Internationally reknowned researcher on youth driver behaviours. This is a wonderful milestone for RYDA and Rotary recognising the many volunteers, as well as the contribution of Sunshine Coast Council, State and federal government , Glasshouse Mountain Coaches, the Corbould Park Racecourse and all the Secondary Schools in the region. Well done everyone especially to the champions

from our Club - Kevin Curd, Bruce Radford, Brian Reith, Geoff Leddy and the many team workers who contribute to the RYDA days being so successful.

Riki Tiki: Conducted with gusto by Mike Healy and amongst the hilarity was won by non other than Dave Handy.

THERE WILL BE NO MEETING NEXT THURSDAY BEING THE EVE OF EASTER.

Guest Speaker: Introduced by Marilyn Harris and was thanked by Peer Higgs

Terese Finegan gave a heartfelt story of her experience as a Rotary Exchange student 33 years ago in Campbell River Vancouver Island and expressed her gratitude to Rotary and the legacy it has left her ( and now her family) with.

Her role is to revitalise the Downtown Caloundra area and she sees an important opportunity and role for Rotary in this.

She is appreciative of working with our Club on the Caloundra Greeters program as a precurser to the Caloundra Cultural Heritage Centre, as part of an arts and heritage precinct which will become a focal point in Downtown Caloundra.

Terese encourages us all to become familiar with the Downtown Caloundra Master Plan in order to help us engage and become an integral component of Downtown Caloundra along with the Business community, local residents and visitors alike. The Caloundra Greeters program will touch peoples lives and make Rotary visible - showing Rotary at work and giving Rotary leverage in the community.

Practically, the Caloundra Greeters program will help to bring Bulcock St alive with stories of the past, greetings for today and unbelievably wonderful opportunities for a cohesive village atmosphere for the future. The Caloundra Greeters will have signage, a place in the revitalised Transit Centre and visible vests to wear when on roster. Terese explained that Stage 4 of the Bulcock Street streetscape project will commence in April - November between Minchinton St and Knox Avenue.

Our Club has a golden opportunity to be involved in the evolution of Bulcock Street along with the business community and residents.

It was pleasing to hear some thoughtful questions and discussion.

Raffle prizes were sought after with many oohs and arhhs at wins and losses. Remember no meeting next week on March 29th.

HAPPY EASTER - see you all next on April 5.

The meeting closed at 8.10pm.

Rotarians will know that on 26 February 2018 an Earthquake of 7.5 magnitude occurred about 3.00am in an area of the Southern Highlands of Papua New Guinea.

Due to the isolated location access has been very difficult. 

The PNG Army has been working with assistance from RAAF Chinook helicopters and C130 Hercules aircraft. 

However due to landslides and damage to roads and bridges very little other support is getting through

The area is still suffering aftershocks, with villagers not prepared to go back to their homes.

The current death toll has risen to 125 with over 35,000 displaced.

District has established a fund through Rotary Australia World Community Service (RAWCS) to aid the recovery.

Past District Governor Charles Guesdon is the Project Manager ably assisted by Assistant Governor and PNG Liaison Mary Grant. 

Donations to this fund are tax deductable through RAWCS.

District will make available $10,000.00 from the District Disaster Fund and clubs and members may make contributions through the following link:

        https://donations.rawcs.com.au/Default.aspx?ProjectNo=75&YearRegistered=2017-18.

The Project name is:

        Papua New Guinea Southern Highlands Earthquake recovery. RAWCS ref 75-2017-18.

Further details will be circulated as they come to hand.

PNG is an important part of our District and need our support following this disastrous event.

Please consider and give generously.

Together in Rotary Service,

John Lane

Governor 2017-18

This was an article submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinners ...  It won first prize.

As a joke, my brother Jay used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them.

What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart. I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown.

If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. you'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, 'What does this do?' 'You're kidding me!' 'Who would buy that?' Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section.

I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the car pool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. 'Love Dolls' come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled for 'Lovable Louise.' She was at the bottom of the price scale.

To call Louise a 'doll' took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve and with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life.

My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours. Long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louise's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours.

The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy, but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more.

We all agreed that Louise should remain in her pantyhose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door.
'What the hell is that?' she asked.

My brother quickly explained, 'It's a doll.'

'Who would play with something like that?' Granny snapped.

I kept my mouth shut.

'Where are her clothes?' Granny continued.

'Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran,' Jay said, to steer her into the dining room.

But Granny was relentless. 'Why doesn't she have any teeth?'

Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, 'Hang on Granny, hang on!'

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, ' Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?' I told him she was Jay's friend.

A few minutes later I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home.

The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the mantel, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa. The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants.

Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember.

Later in my brother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louise's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh.

Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.

I can't wait until next Christmas.

• Event: Annual award of three scholarships ($4k each) under auspices of the Rotary and Uni of Sunshine Coast Community Fund (RUSCCF).
• Guest Speaker: Captain Jan Becker - CEO of Becker Helicopters & a USC Outstanding Alumni of Year awardee in 2017. More here:http://beckerhelicopters.com/home/our-profile/team/jan-becker-ceo/ .  Vice-Chancellor Professor Greg Hill also usually attends & speaks when he's in town.

  Capt. Jan Becker – Becker Helicopters Pilot Academy beckerhelicopters.com Jan Becker has been the CEO since the creation of Becker Helicopters in 1995. As CEO, Jan leads the non-operational side of the business, including:

  
   
• Venue: Innovation Centre, USC.
• Date: WEDNESDAY 23 May from 6pm. 

The search has begun to find the Police Officer of the Year here on the Sunshine Coast.   

Inspired by similar projects around the country, the Sunshine Coast Police Officer of the Year will recognise outstanding acts of courage, compassion, understanding and devotion to duty provided by police officers at the local level.

Nominations can be submitted on the attached form and all nominations will be vetted by the Queensland Police Service before they are considered.  The selection panel will consist of selected members of the Rotary Club of Sunshine Coast Central, plus two representatives from QPS Sunshine Coast.

Criteria will include attributes including community involvement, enthusiasm, compassion, dedication, and contribution to "making a difference”.

Nominations close on April 13, with six finalists selected and honoured at a gala evening on May 9 at Maroochy River Golf Club.

The Rotary Club of Auckland meets on Mondays at 12.15 at the Stamford Plaza.  It was chartered in 1921 with 55 members.  The current president is John Collinge.  The first project in 1921 raised £900 for Boy Scouts.

Current projects include the long term support for YMCA, the Salvation Army, youth initiatives, vocational awards, and a golf day.  They donate around $60 000 annually.

The Rotary Club of Pranakorn Sri Ayutthaya, Thailand meets Monday evening at the Krung Sri River Hotel.  Ayutthaya is the old capital of Siam, and is around 80km north of Bangkok.  It has ruins similar to Angor Wat, but in better condition. The city is also a World Heritage Listed.  

The main projects of the club are provision of water treatment plants to remote areas of Thailand, provision of an echocardiogram to the city hospital and assistance with the upkeep of the city’s historical sites. They have partnered with the Rotary Club of Hyde Park, South Australia in these projects.  

• Neville Woodforth, visiting from the Rotary Club of Caloundra, told us that there would be a celebration of 10 Years of RYDA on 23rd March.  Participants of RYDA days from Rotary Clubs from Caloundra, Caloundra Pacific, Glasshouse and Kawana would be invited, along with Club Presidents; representatives from the 12 schools, TMR, Police Service, and RSE; the Sunshine Coast Mayor and Councillors; State and Federal politicians; the Sunshine coast Turf Club; Glasshouse Country Coaches; and Meals on Wheels.  The guest speaker will be Bridie Scott Parker.  The program educated 1395 students last year and saw the addition of a 12th school in St. Columbans, 
• The Rotary Club of Caloundra also announced their annual Golf Day on 16th March at Pelican Waters Golf Club. Details attached in Bulletin.
• The Rotary Club of Maroochydore is hosting the "Greatest Showmen of the 60s" on 18th February at the Kawana Community Hall. Details attached in Bulletin.
• Peter Higgs advised that we will be hosting a 'Casablanca Evening' at the Queensland Air Museum on 16th March.  It will be a costume affair and further details will be presented in coming weeks.
• A reminder to our members to get tables together for the ROMAC Trivia Night on 1st March. 

Wishing everyone a year of caring & sharing!

Happy 2018 from everyone at the Rotary Club of Caloundra Pacific.

A Paul Harris Fellowship is a recognition by the Rotary Foundation of a donation of USD1,000 with the presentation of a certificate and medallion.  In many parts of the world, it is simply a recognition of a donation.  But in Australia, clubs have used the Fellowship to acknowledge Rotarians and members of the wider community for their service to humanity.  The Club makes the donation on behalf of the individual to be honoured and then presents them with certificate and medallion.